010“Two Steps Behind”
posted by cibol on January 26th, 2008
You might have heard people talking about how hard it is to maintain a sustainable relationship when it comes to distance. Some might just tell you that it’s only a myth, something that you can only find in movies sort of stuffs and it’s not practical nowadays to have a long distance relationship. I was never really involved in long distance relationships before and to have a say on this might be a little bit awkward to me. I am not saying that I don’t believe in it because to say that I’ve seen some of my friends made it through the rain. So, it would not be something that I would like to call a myth either. It will happen when it happen.
Long distance relationships require a special willingness and understanding that can test love like no other type of relationship can. It requires constant communication and a desire to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have that is your words. In another word communication is the most important thing but I do believe that it is not only for long distance relationships but also for every single relationships that is there.
Now, comes another question sometimes ; Is it worth it?
Well I think any person worth having is worth waiting a few years for. If you both have something really special then take the plunge. You’d be surprised at how well a long distance relationship can work out. Granted, it won’t be easy and you’ll both go through your bouts of loneliness. However, the rewards for making it through are worth every lonely second. Believe me, I’ve seen these happen.
The path of life tends to pull people in different directions. Some random turn of events can sometimes have the power to decide the fate of a couple. For instance, if a guy is being relocated across the country due to a promotion at work, and his gal gal is doing just fine in her present career, they inevitably end up going their separate ways.
Sometimes young lovers are forced to call it quits because they end up attending different colleges in different cities, states, or even continents. I’ve seen that happen too, a lot of time - let’s just say, most of the time. They tend to believe that physical space between them will affect the solidity of the relationship because of their “undying” love for each other most probably can’t surpass this seemingly gigantic obstacle and what happen next is one of them will start to feel very lonely and begin to look around for maybe at what the relationship market have to offer and I don’t deny that it sometimes happen to both parties too.
I think one of the most difficult parts of a long distance is handling the fact that you are not physically there with your significant other - I like that word. This lack of physical presence can make the whole relationship seem like an illusion, something that is so unreal I would say. I am sure that almost every person in this kind of relationship has wondered at some point about whether the relationship was actually real or just wishful thinking, a dream that would probably won’t come true. With this in mind, I think it is very important to create a presence for yourself in your partner’s life to provide a stable reality that you are a couple and that you are a part of one another. That’s to add to the - “Yes, we can do it” factor.
I’ve seen it happen before and I do believe it will work - Eventhough it’s not as easy as saying it but if a relationship have Love as its backbone and as long as the other partner feels that you completely and unconditionally love them, those doubts will not have a chance to creep in. It is up to you to make sure they know exactly how you feel about them. Tell them eventhough you’re not there - You’ll be just two steps behind.
This goes out to Carol and Dentonel
Sorry guys that I didn’t get the chance to sing this at your wedding thus I’m putting it here for you. Enjoy and have a nice weekend!
001: melbie,
January 26th, 2008 at 9:44 amHmmm… don’t scare me, please! But nah, it all depends on the both of us, my partner and I hehe. I am currently in a long distance relationship, sort of. Work! He’s been away for a few months, so far so good. But then again we get to see each other about once a month hehe … not sure where his job is going to lead him next, but you know what? It is worth it! 
A relationship needs both parties to make it lasts. I have a close friend who’s been away from his partner for about 10 years and they still got married. Then they’re still away from each other because of work. What did the hubby said? They’ll stay together once both of them doesn’t have to work anymore and enjoy each other’s company.
But then again they’re not so young anymore. But the point is, if any relationship that can’t survive the long distance relationship, then maybe they don’t really love each other, or it’s just not meant to be.
The older you are the better you see things, supposedly but maybe not for some. 
Guess in it’s very own way, Ideas of mistrust can easily seep into the minds of those involved in a long distance relationship because you don’t get to physically see your mate. They may be saying that they are not seeing anyone else, but how do you know that for sure hundreds or even thousands of miles away? Stuffs like that I mean.
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002: jamy,
January 26th, 2008 at 9:57 amCibol,
My 2cents is that long distance relationship is not for the fainting heart.
I have seen long distance relationship since I was in my teens years. A lot of us left home very young for our education then. It’s sad to say most of us did not make it with our childhood sweet loves.
I personally had experience a number of failed long distance relationships. But, I survived the last one.
I think nowadays it is much easier than say 20 yrs ago when we did not have emails , skype phone etc… All we survived was snail mails and phone.
It was very difficult. Both sides were tempted.
I think maturity also has quite a lot of impact on long distance relationship. Not too stereotype though.
I think like everything else in life, worth or not worth is perception to a beholder :). I would think my last relationship which end up in marriage is worth it but so were all of my past fail relationships. Failures give me the opportunity to learn about things I did not know before and growth. Life goes on with or without failures :):).
You have a blessed weekend.
Js.
Yeah, with technology in hand everything seems at least better la. When you’re missing your partner’s touch, perhaps a web cam date can be the closest remedy available. Frequently arrange a set time for these dates, you know maybe like after work kinda thang. Take turns planning on what you’ll talk about or do. Some couples have used these as an opportunity to share a romantic candlelit dinner, watch a movie together or even play games such as warbook. LOL
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003: nono,
January 26th, 2008 at 11:07 amAnother entry about love and relationship..? Hehehe.. macam mabuk cintun jak.
No la, just my random thoughts and suddenly it came across my mind. So, I write la before I forgot.
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005: An Auspicious Man,
January 26th, 2008 at 1:39 pmLong distance relationship really needs alot, alot of initiative and trust to sustain. But on the other hand, too much initiative might annoyed the other party.
This is a very, very difficult world we are living in.
Thanks for dropping by. Yes, constatnt communication is always a must but like you said, too much of it is sometimes - annoying?
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006: angel,
January 26th, 2008 at 2:08 pm*clap clap clap*
Nice!
The song, I mean
LDRs, nah.. I’d avoid ‘em. But if it were years ago, it’d be different.. oh well… times change.. people change…
Oh yeah, definitely. Changes and all just took away the believes in LDR and thus .. many falter. Chewahh …
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007: Lynnwei,
January 26th, 2008 at 2:59 pmhmm..it’s hard but not impossible..just takes lots of trust and comittment!
and yea..in the end of the day, if both are faithful…then it’s worth the waiting…
^^
Yup, if the relationship is based on trust, love and more importantly - God in it, they’ll survive.
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008: bongkersz,
January 26th, 2008 at 3:30 pmthe worth it question. at any point of a relationship you will ask yourself that. be it a long distance relationship, no distance relationship, or maybe even after marriage. loving someone is hard if you think it is hard. you will come up with many excuses to justify it is hard for you to continue on. i know someone who is in a long distance relationship for quite sometime already. they met each other on the internet, they got along, get together. both in different unis and state, so the initial stage of the relationship, they already in a long distance relationship. when they finished studying, the bf decided to move somewhere closer to his gf, so they staying together and be with each other everyday. with some twist of fate, they ended up in a long distance relationship again. the gf is working at another state and the bf at the another. they have been together for more than 5 years. the last i heard, they are still going strong
Still holding on. That’s the word I long to hear. Yeah, I guess I pretty much agree with that - If you think loving that somebody someone is hard then it is hard. Live a day at a time
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009: drumsticks,
January 26th, 2008 at 5:11 pmThis new look of your blog is very less ordinary, very different. like it!
I agree with you on communication being the most important thing for any relationship. It work wonders.. all the time! Build connection and make any relationship stronger.
Glad you like it because I fell in love with it already.
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010: suituapui,
January 26th, 2008 at 7:44 pmAbsence makes the heart grow fonder! But then, absence makes the heart wander! It all depends on “sedalam mana cintamu” (not sepanjang, ya? LOL!), I guess.
P.S.: I like ur new look - ur blog, I mean, not u!!! Didn’t like the previous one - black black! BTW, the song halfway stuck lah - sampai chorus aje! Maybe I try again.
Sedalam mana dan sepanjang mana (masa), agree to that.
Maybe stimmyx got sucky a bit leh .. That’s why stuck stuck lidat
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011: clement,
January 26th, 2008 at 8:51 pmha ha ha, LDR is very hard, i did it twice. you know one of them, well, its fun while it lasted, but to break up thru the phone, that’s the worst thing i have to do.
yeah, that’s pretty shitty. Through the phone .. or maybe snail mail, or maybe sms!!!
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012: melbie,
January 26th, 2008 at 10:35 pmTrust, that’s the answer! You just have to trust the significant other. Trust has to be earned though hehe. That’s when the tests comes in… test for the strength of love, test for the trust and test to keep the relationship going!
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013: melbie,
January 26th, 2008 at 10:39 pmoh oh .. speaking of trust…. trust you to come up with the mag’s topic on your profile photo!! Haha … bongkersz… was the one night stand any good??? a masseur, that a female or male? haha you’re the star now, man!
I might one to ask him in details though. I’m not in a position to comment. Typo, mag needs to be taken out liw
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014: melbie,
January 26th, 2008 at 11:01 pmand since it’s a masseur - that should be a man la … hahaha .. bongkersz in line to be the next actor in Brokeback Mountain 2?
Wat say you? Good idea .. Ang Lee, did you hear that???
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015: bongkersz,
January 27th, 2008 at 11:02 amwah you guys so happy discussing about my sexuality heh? 
it’s a typo by cibol lah.. sorry to disappoint you guys haha!
I thought you’ve just created a big scandalous issue here for a while.
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016: ahBONG,
January 27th, 2008 at 11:14 amu always come up with the serious stuff… ish… a good read when i reall want to read lor. haha…
anyways, not for me to judge, not based on personal experience as well, but from what i observed, long distance relationship would either - fades away when the flame isn’t that ‘flamming’, or it grows stronger.
mum and dad had a long distance after they got engaged and before they got married. but then again, their generation and my generation is like… so de different.
i personally go with the feeling lor. if it is really a relationship, i’d say i’ll stick to it. if it’s just a crush or somewhat, that after 2 months not able to see each other, and the feelings sorta just go away eventually, might as well call it off right?
blame me though, i’m that easily fall in and out of love. or rather, stupid young crushes. LMAO
Yeah, those times the feel very the “love strong” one. Now, people say : No money no talk world. Welcome to the real world
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017: melbie,
January 27th, 2008 at 7:32 pmcibol… “No money no talk?” You gold digger you! Hehe..
ahBong, crushes are different from pure love :p if you fall in and out of love easily, then you haven’t met the love of your life yet! or you’re just greedy! :p
bongkersz - yes, it was cibol’s typo, but who knows it was true? haha .. we had fun for a while there indeed unfortunately it was short-lived! Hehe
I don’t believe so - relating to the money-love thingy. I still believe in the LOVE as in LOVE but the situation now is far different from what we are experiencing now. That’s why I’m saying that.
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