and so this is christmas …
It’s been a long while since we all really get together for christmas. I mean everybody is around, sharing jokes, experiences and I would love to have that for this christmas but too bad my sister Amy couldn’t make it this year because she ran out of annual leave to take.
This is the time of the year where mom will have a lot of cooking to do, me and dad will have a lot of grilling to do and my younger sister, Brenda will have a lot of things to share to all of us, all five of us in the family. It is not that we have a blast on every christmas but once in a while we will have big reunion dinner whereby we will be inviting Uncle Nick and family to get together but I guess we did it a little modest this year - partly because everybody already had their own plans; Uncle Nick and family is in Miri, sis Amy not having the leave …
What I really like about christmas?
To be really honest, presents! I mean what else can it be?
Dad used to tell us to hang up plastic bags on the wall so that santa can stuff in some presents for us. We on the other hand, being kids - freebies, tid bits and toys are so irresistible and we would do exactly what we were told and I really believe that santa would give me what I want. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, put it in the plastic bag and quickly go to bed hoping that when I wake up in the morning, at least one of the things listed on my wishlist is in the plastic bag.
I really dig in to this when I was young until one day, it was back when I was eight - I woke up in the morning just to find an empty plastic bag hanging on the wall. No presents, not even a tiny tid bit - just an empty plastic bag with my wishlist in it. I was dissapointed and I got jealous when I saw my cousins jumping happily with their presents in their hands. I ran to dad and say :
“Santa forgot all about me”
“Well, maybe he just didn’t noticed it”
I wanted to stop believing in it but I just can’t. The following year I did the same and this time Santa didn’t dissapoint me. Perhaps, he really didn’t noticed.
The same goes this year, I wrote down what I want but instead of joting it down on a piece of paper, I jot it down in my heart and I say my prayers.
Dear Santa, I do not want anything much for Christmas. I just want to experience this christmas with those who are very dear to my heart
Again, Santa didn’t dissapoint me. This year, we have someone special in our humble home for christmas. I’ve always wanted to say this and I told her about it when I was asked.
So, what do I want for Christmas?
My definite answer is - All I want for Christmas is you.
And I am so glad that it came true. Thank you for making my only wish for christmas came true.
P/S : I Love You
I woke up today believing that the day would be so much better than yesterday. I woke up early, called my baby and then get myself ready to go to work. The LRT ride was not boring or bad but it somehow promise a bright new day, I believe so.
Tulan number one happen when I arrived in the office. Mr Choo told me that one of the frontliners is on MC today. That was not the news that I wanted to hear and it doesn’t greet me well either. Fuck it! I just couldn’t believe it! This is like the fourth time she’d been going on MC in the last couple of months and FYI eventhough four times doesn’t sound that much and maybe for most of you that does sound like a little reasonable I’m sorry because I beg to differ - I fucking hate that.
So here I am, branding you A LAZY PIG! I don’t fucking care if pig is haram or halal for you but I am branding you a pig! Worthless - and being in that position makes you sounds like you come from a family with a history of at about seven generations of pigs. This is not a racist remark but it is how I look at lazy-ass fucker like you!
Tulan number two happened when banking hours started, the QMS - not quality management system but the queue managemnet system suddenly went “kapoot“. There you go, I have a long queue of people in front of me, disgruntled, unsatisfied and that having PBs around doesn’t really help either. Just in case you guys do not know what is PB, it is the so called people with special privillages, unique and therefore has very specific financial needs. These group of people belongs to the Priority Banking community. Let me tell you a little bit about about PB customers - They are so fucking cibai, well most of them.
They have Green Lane Services nationwide which has been set up just for them and only them. So, forget the queues and the numbering, they just barge in and can just kick another customer who had been waiting for a long time to be served right in the ass and say :
“Butt out because the big Ass PB is here”
From day one, especially in this branch I am very much against this whole idea of having PBs around. These people should not exist. Just because you have RM 500,000 in your bank account doesn’t make you any better than the rest of those who have been waiting patiently. Can’t you guys like have a fucking mercy on everybody else? The numbering is down, give just a little bit more of your heart you worthless little brat. Why are you being so fucking chinese? Again, this is not a racist remark but if you have any other terms please let me know.
A PB customer came to me today and wanted to withdraw her fixed deposits. She came to me with four piece of FD receipts and she wanted to withdraw two of the receipts and then take out all the interest earned and then make a new placement which will be added to the another two receipts. I got her point but the thing that irritates me is that she keep on saying :
“You got me or not?”
As if I don’t go to school. Screw you! I wouldn’t be here if I did not understand a single word that you said you fucking bitch! I wouldn’t mind if you say it nicely but by raising your voice doesn’t really help the situation either. Moron!
At last, I withdrew two of her receipts and prepared some cash, which is the interest earned and suddenly she said :
“I forgot, I gave you the wrong receipts. I should have given you the other two. I don’t want to withdraw that two”
Fuck you! Let me tell you something, next time make your fucking mind up. Be ready with what you want to do and not when you reached the counter you go “ahhhhh … ahhhhhhh” looking like a fucking dick not knowing what you want to do with your money and that is the problem with us all when we go to the bank. You are not ready!
You always complaint that the service is slow, not satisfying but who made the whole thing slow? Tell me. If you had come over to the counter with all your money ready and counted, slips are all written, being sure of what you want to do it would not be that slow but we always failed to realize that we are the one who make the whole thing slow down in the first place.
We as a banker got a certain part to play and so do you! Bankers are human too, we deal with money every single day which is not ours so do you still think that we are having the time of our life goyang kaki at the counter? Do you think that our job is only to entertain your endless whining? Do you? Do you fucking get it?
Okay, I think I got way carried away …
Tulan number three, the CDM is down again! I hate it when that happen. When it happen I have to get off my seat and leave my piling workload and go to the machine and make sure everything is okay. I have to entertain the disgruntled ah peks and ah moo. It really irks me that these people always look at me like I am the one who took their precious money away. Can you guys like stop being like a fucking jew?
SST or self service terminal they call it is supposed to simplify your banking needs, making it easier for you and also for me in a way but still, there is a lot of people who just do not want to use these conveniences that had been prepared for them. They rather be charge for IBT service charge everytime they deposit into outstation account because they said :
“I want to see my money going in physically”
So what? What if I hide the money and you cannot see it? Would you still be able to see it going in physically? Come on people, grow up! It is time to wake up.
Tulan number four, I just don’t want to elaborate more just that I would like to say,
IF YOU DO NOT KNOW, YOU ASK! IT WON’T MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID IF YOU ASK BUT IT MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW BUT YOU THINK YOU KNOW - YOU STUPID DUMBSHIT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER!
I’ll rest my case.
Baby : Dear! I got 46 reasons why u lup me .. hihi mwakss!
That somehow, made my day. I love you too
“Why do you love me?”
“You’re cute”
“You’re pretty”
and each time I was asked that question I would give different answers. Answers that sometimes some people would think rather absurd in a way but at the same time there are some people out there who would think of it as something sweet. Everybody have their own reasons, it can be the same or maybe not or maybe something in between. Nah .. to lengthy to be debated.
It’s amazing how a simple question can have so many answers. Why is it that way? But I’m telling you, one answer might not be enough or not even satisfying and all the WHYs will come again and again. And I guess in a way, I would also like to ask the same thing.
“Why do you love me?”
but do I really need an answer? It all depends. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t but we somehow need assurance even if we knew that we are being loved that we just need to hear it over and over again. There’s no hidden agenda, it’s just the feeling of wanting to be wanted, being made important and the most important to be in the other person’s life. That makes the whole “Why do you love me?” so beautiful.
A lover asked her beloved :
“Do you love yourself more than you love me?”
The beloved replied,
“I have died to myself and I live for you. I’ve disappeared from myself
and my attributes. I am present only for you”
“I have forgotten all my learning, but from knowing you. I have become a scholar”
“I have lost all my strength, but from your power I am able”
Poems of Rumi - Deepak Chopra
Isn’t it so beautiful? Wonderful isn’t it?
Why do I give so many different answers? Maybe because I evolved; feelings found a greater heights each day. They grew and prosper in the name of love and that endless wanting. That’s why it is the way it is.
I can say :
It’s the way you make me feel - how you control me, how you hold me and that physical attraction.
It’s the way you make me feel - how deep I can feel your love is, the burning passion.
I can say and feel different things and it’s just unexplainable at times.
But sometimes I just can say, I love you because I do and because I always do and nothing else can beat that.
